Sunday, October 08, 2006

The IB72...


The I Bark 72 is the phone I recently purchased for my younger dog Buddy Magorris. It has the same plan as most other phones including unlimited nights and weekends. I've seen Buddy using the IB72 late at night, in my walk in closet which we commonly refer to as Buddy’s Apartment. Last night I couldn't sleep because his whispering and low end barks sounded more urgent than usual. I decided to lean against the door and eavesdrop when I heard Buddy howl, "Mini-Beast, this is bullshit". The following is what I could decipher of the conversation-

B- I don't give a cat’s ass if the house is a mess and El's starving, I need Dibbs here to take me outside and pick up my human size piles of dog love.

MB- Well, I can't put up with El's (inaudible) GOD DAMMIT! STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF AND THINK ABOUT THE BIGGER PICTURE YOU WANNA BE WEINER DOG!

B- WANNA BE? You got some nerve talking to me like this you fucking Catnip junkie, I AM 3 FEET LONG AND I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS, I AM A PURE BREED MAGORRIS, YOU ALLEY DWELLING, MOUSE FONDLING, LITTER BOX DANCING HALF-ASS EXCUSE FOR A FELINE. HAHAHAHAHA! YOU’RE A FUCKLINE!

MB- You’re a mutt, and I can see I'm going to need to take drastic steps to make this happen. I'm going to (inaudible) How about that?

B- Mutt? A fucking mutt? I have my AKC papers right here with me, droopy ears and slobber don't come easy my little housebound flytrap and if you think I'm (inaudible) Threats, then bring it on.

MB- Remember this, you asked for it lassie.

The conversation soon turned into a series of howls and hisses but, before I went back to bed I'm pretty sure I heard Mini-Beast mention The Foot. I don't know how Mini-Beast got Buddy’s number but, this whole situation seems to be more serious than I originally thought.